I write this post to you just a little over a month after the subject incident took place. It has taken this long to come to grips with some of the events that took place on that dreaded day/evening. I know Christina already wrote about some of the events, so I will simply recap a few of them from my perspective.
First, I will take a moment to say that when we went on this trip, Christina was a champ in some ways. She did quite a bit of research to figure out "the places" to go on the Big Island. That being said, because she did most of the research, I felt I had no place nay-saying a good idea. So when Christina told me that we absolutely had to go to the Volcano and do a 12 mile hike to see lava - I thought "Definitely," figuring she had done her diligence and read a lot into it. She had not. I knew I was in trouble when the nice women at our bed and breakfast insisted that we take the following: AT LEAST 1.5 Liters of water each, walking sticks, Long pants, flashlights, spare batteries, some "power" snack food (they were insistent on the snacks - OK I had eaten a big dinner the day before, I got the hint), legitimate hiking shoes... essentially a list of things you would need for a post-apocalyptic trek across the Mid-West U.S. The nice ladies also mentioned that it was "quite the hike" - I assumed they meant it would be quite the hike if they tried to do it... They meant for us.
So as you know, the hike was no picnic. Especially for me, as my new hiking shoes (or feet torture devices as I like to call them) literally tried to chew my feet off. I wish I could tell you that I didn't have chunks of my feet missing, but I cant.
After the hike we were both starving and dead tired. We decided all we wanted was a very appropriate volcano burrito from taco bell and a few glasses of wine.
I wish I could explain in words how much I was looking forward to sleeping that night. I absolutely needed a comfortable bed to sleep in for somewhere around 30 hours. So after dinner, Christina simply passed out. So I pounded my glass of wine, and woke her up so we could brush our teeth. Little did I know that was the misstep of the day. Isn't there a saying "let sleeping clowns lie"? Something like that. Tragedy struck like lightning. I stepped into the bathroom and as soon as my foot hit tile I heard "Oh NO!" I turned around to this:
Well, not really that. Try to imagine that but ALL of the wine in the glass in this picture was generously spread out ALL OVER our queen sized bed. Did I say all over the bed? Let me rephrase - ALL OVER the white sheets, white pillows, white mattress cover and down to the mattress itself. Apparently Christina had picked up her glass of wine to finish it and then instantaneously fell back asleep throwing her wine everywhere... At this point my soul literally shattered. I didn't even know what to do. For a few seconds Christina just sat there with the "I know I just did something bad - I'm going to wait and frame my reaction on how Matt reacts" look. I didn't even have the energy to be upset. I went straight into triage mode (again) and started ripping sheets off the bed and running them to the bathroom. I wont bore you with the full details - but we spent the next 90 minutes (well after midnight at this point) cleaning our sheets, pillow cases, mattress, etc. Let's just say not where I thought I was headed. Somehow we managed to get all of the wine out - but at what cost? We no longer had bedding... it was after midnight at a B&B. I was starting to lose it. At this point you need to have seen the movie Dumb and Dumber to understand what happens next. I am fairly irate at this point. I'm tired past the point of exhaustion, in pretty severe pain, and rather frustrated at the situation... and then Christina turns it around and "TOTALLY REDEEMS HERSELF." She somehow managed to find a spare sheet, blanket, and pillows in a closet in our room. This was an oasis in the desert moment for me. If I wasn't so dehydrated from a 12 mile and 6+ hour hike through hell, I might have shed a tear. (By the way did either of us mention we didn't bring enough water??)
So I crashed hard from exhaustion, and then we woke up early to continue our trip that I'm sure Christina will further explain. The most awkward part about this was checking out of the B&B in the morning and hoping that the nice women at the front desk didn't make the connection between our empty bottle of wine and the ton of freshly cleaned, but still soaked, bed linen in our bathroom...
Until next time,
The Other Narrator
P.S. Instead of trying to finish her glass of wine, Christina should have locked it up in a Cabernet...
No comments:
Post a Comment