Once Upon an Amazing, there was an Angry Korean Lady...

"It is very seldom that you stumble upon a place that leaves you at a loss for words and even questioning reality." - Brian V. from yelp.com.

So, recently Christina and I stumbled upon something fantastical (is it a word? you're actually wondering now...). We were perusing yelp.com one night hoping to find a restaurant for some quick take out when it happened - yes it was a lazy moment for us - please don't judge. Instead we stumbled upon an opportunity. What some might call a "game changer." Ah Lang - a local Korean restaurant. The above quote is what initially caught my eye. Obviously. As we read the reviews, we discovered that Ah Lang is really known as "Angry Korean Lady" or AKL. From what we read, it was called this because the restaurant is owned and run by one person - An Angry Korean Lady. AKL apparently makes the best Korean food in town, but at a price. If you dine at Ah Lang you must bus your own table, get your own water, sometimes do your own dishes, and live with a few F-bombs and being insulted or nicknamed (more on that later).

Needless to say, I was insanely excited to make this happen - I love food, and I love doing dishes after a good meal. We decided to go ASAP - so a few days later, on a Saturday, we made plans with a couple of friends (Betty and Chris) to see what this place was really like. The reviews warned us that AKL was an angry lady - especially when customers didn't bring her beer. Even when given beer, she is apparently very angry. In order to take the edge off (yes we were nervous) we all had 3 beers before heading out, and brought 18 beers to get through dinner. Thankfully this scenario finally answered the age old question for me: is 6 beers per person too much to plan for? Apparently not...

We walked into Ah Lang at about 7:00p.m. The "Closed" sign was on the door, but it was unlocked so we went in anyway. We had read that AKL closes whenever she wants, since she runs the show, and beer is the only thing that could even possibly change her mind. We entered to find 6 tables. 5 of which were seated with customers - but no one was talking or making any noise. This is when I realized we were in a "tight spot." I started to get a little more nervous. One of the customers sitting by the door didn't help when she said, "You should probably go. She just put the closed sign on the door, and is in a very bad mood. No one has brought her beer yet tonight." Now, I like to think of myself as a problem solver, so at this point it was a simple math equation. Angry Korean Lady + Beer = Less Angry Korean Lady? That theorum hasnt been proven or accepted by the scientific community. Luckily the 3 beers propelled Chris and I into the kitchen, which was bigger than the restaurant. Inside we found a little Korean Lady - who greeted us with a "What the F#$* do you want?" To which we replied, "Can we please stay for dinner? We brought beer?!" AKL responded, "You stay, you go bus table now! Then sit down!" So we bussed the empty table - and sat down. At this point I was starting to get courageous (read: drunk) and thought I would bring AKL a beer as she looked hard at work in the kitchen. She promptly told me to get the F out, and to go "suck down some beers." So we did. Next we put an order in to the kitchen (which we wrote down on the provided server pad and brought to AKL - she is not a server - don't make the mistake of assuming that). And then we started talking, laughing, and drinking - unlike everyone else in the restaurant. The fear in the room was palpable. Since AKL is the only employee we had to wait for the other 5 tables to be cooked for and served before AKL even started our meal. This means lots of beer without food (except for the awesome, free, Korean BBQ chicken appetizer that AKL gave us).

Eventually we were the only people left in the restaurant. AKL brought out the most amazing Korean food, and even spoon fed us some of it. (Spoiler Alert: I think she ended up liking us) During the meal AKL nicknamed me "Super Haole" (super foreigner/super white-guy) because apparently I use chopsticks like a brain-damaged T-Rex. According to Betty and Chris, who used to live in Korea for 2 years, the food was "legit" and "even better than places in Korea."

After dinner things got a little more serious. AKL started bringing out booze - Soju to be exact, which is essentially vodka light. She had several different kinds, including a Guava Soju that she had distilled herself for 7 years, and Soju distilled with ginger root. Thus began the shots. Soon AKL started making us hurricane shots, which are Soju mixed with beer and swirled dramatically so that they look like a hurricane in a glass. Then she broke out these magical Korean tiles that we played "Jan-Ken-Po" (Rock Paper Scissors) to while betting, heavily. Somehow we won $50. Soon we were very drunk. Christina had an especially rough go, as she tried to out-drink AKL... Also, did I mention we went out and got another 12 pack?

Awesome Korean card game.

AKL making Hurricane shots.

AKL mixing Hurricane shots while standing on a chair...

We had to stop for a break, so that's when the dishes started. I washed every single dish in that restaurant with AKL, and it was awesome. Except when I almost severed one of my fingers on the last, and sharpest, knife in the sink. Dont worry, AKL put a Band-Aid on my finger and called me a "Stupid Haole" to make me feel better. While working, we talked about her family, her restaurant, and how she started out. If you ever find yourself on the island of Oahu, you should visit AKL and listen to her story. She is awesome.

We stayed until after 2:00a.m. Yes - Seven. Hours. Of. Awesomeness. AKL started making us food again, but we were all way too deep. We ate a salad, and then had to call it quits. AKL hugged us all on the way out - and I might have told her that I loved her... In the end, I probably didn't do this night justice. Brian was right, words can't really explain and we all woke up the next day questioning if the night before had really happened...



Here's pun for the road: "We carried the Soju over our heads because we needed to lift our spirits..."

Emergency Post

Ok so I am WAY behind in blogging but this post couldn't wait.  For two Saturdays in a row, Matt and I tried out two bar/restaurant combos to find our local place...our go-to for a drink and some good food.  The first place we tried was Murphy's:

It's an Irish Pub with shuffleboard (win) and good food.  Downside?  Kinda pricey, kinda far from our place, and the beer selection was only ok. 

We sat at the bar and had dinner and a couple of drinks as expected, and were soon joined a stool or two over by a couple clearly on their first date.  The woman talked the whole time.  She covered her love of art, her schooling, her love of animals, her hobbies, her dislikes - you name it, she discussed it...in great detail...with great snobbery. 

She was pretty unbearable and her poor date was not hiding his distaste, but could barely express it.  His end of the conversation was "Uh huh" and "Mmm" and [sips beer pitifully].  After dinner, Matt and I left for our apartment, feeling sorry for the poor bastard stuck on a crappy date.

The next Saturday, Matt and I tried The Side Street Inn:




Don't let the trash cans out front fool you...this place is awesome.

 It's about a 1/2 a block from our place and, yes, you guessed it, down a side streeet.  It makes so much sense.  The food?  FANTASTIC.  It's served family style and each entree should reasonably feed four people.  Matt and I ordered two entrees (fried pork chops and spicy garlic fried chicken) and a side of kim chee fried rice.  Needless to say, this meal fed us for two days, but it probably should have lasted four - the food was that good. 

The beer selection is ok, Rogue brews a specialty beer for the restaurant (which is pretty cool) and they have very good drink specials.  That night they had "bombs" on special - Jager Bombs, Irish Car Bombs, if it's a shot in bomb-form, it's on special.  We tried a couple of Irish Car Bombs (Guinness, Jameson, and Bailys):

Yummmm

Matt and I were pigs in heaven and couldn't imagine our night getting any better until we overheard the conversation to our left.  It was oddly familiar...art...dogs...life goals...snobbery...

IT WAS THE SAME WOMAN ON ANOTHER FIRST DATE!!!!!!

Same woman, same conversation, new place, new man (who was faring much better than the other guy).  After much giggling and another drink, Matt sneakily snapped this picture:

I'm pretty sure she didn't notice...

(This one's for Mariann: 

It's better to love a short girl than not a tall...)

Big Island Adventures Part IV: The Final Chapter

Two epic-spill disasters in one vacation?  It could only be me.  Sigh.

Before I continue, notice that in the upper right hand corner of the blog, there is a new little gadget.  It says "follow by email" and there's a box for you to type in your e-mail and hit submit.  This way, you'll get e-mail updates letting you know when I've added a new post.  Woo hoo!

Anyway, the next day, Matt and I woke up bright and early.  We went downstairs for some coffee, fresh fruit and pastries, and some advice from the awesome folks at the Dolphin Bay Hotel.  Part of the appeal of the hotel is that some of the property owned by the hotel is an expanse of jungle.  You can pick your own fruit if you'd like and they have a variety growing in the jungle - bananas, starfruit, breadfruit, papaya, you-name-it.  I was very excited to explore this jungle so I made a coffee and dragged Matt along with me.


Down some stairs..

 

And into the jungle! (With convenient walkway)

I had planned to spend some time taking pictures and finding fresh starfruit, but after all of 2 minutes, Matt and I (but mostly Matt) were covered in bug bites and spiderwebs.  So that was that.

"Evidence"

The coffee, however, was delicious and there was some fruit that had already been picked so breakfast was still a success.  The part of the morning that was most successful, was asking the guy at the front desk what, in his opinion, he would see given 6 hours in the Hilo area before having to catch a flight.  This guy (I'm sorry, I forget his name) was so unbelievably helpful! He pretty much planned out our entire day, complete with map and lunch. 

Out of Hilo, we drove South and followed the red arrows, doing a nice little loop and stopping at the tip of the triangle for lunch.

Our first stop: Snorkeling the Kapoho Tide Pools.

These are a series of tide pools that can range between 5 and 10 feet deep. 

It looks pretty desolate, but as soon as you jump in the water, it's a completely different world.  We've done a lot of snorkeling and have seen some really wonderful plants and animals, but I think this was the best snorkeling I've ever done.  The fish were no different from what we've seen, but the coral was amazing: neon blue, bright pink, lilac, brilliant yellow.  Imagine, if you could dip your head into the pool in the above picture, you'd be looking into the inside of a rainbow-painted fishbowl.  No picture could ever do it justice.

I want to go back!

We explored about 3 or 4, then had to get moving.  We were on a tight time schedule.  Our next stop: Ahalanui Park Hot Springs

The water was about as warm as bathwater because of an underground lava tube.  I couldn't help but think I was about to be a part of some tropical version of Dante's Peak.  So because of that, and these many warnings, I only took a quick dip:

The sign says, "Enter at own risk.
This natural ocean thermal pond is not disinfected.
Do not enter if you have open wounds due to risk of bacterial infection.
Do not feed marine life.
Fish and eels may become aggressive"

 ...and Matt couldn't go in because of his poor feet :(

It's like paradise!  ...but with potentially aggressive eels



A more jovial warning?



though legitimate...

Stop three was to Kehena Beach, a black sand beach.  We parked the car by an old hippie, locked it up tightly, and made our way down a cliff:

It only took about 5 minutes to get from the car to the beach and the view was stunning:

Oh, I'm sorry.  Did I forget to mention this was a clothing-optional beach?  Take a closer look:

"...or don't"
-Matt

Yeah, I'm sorry again.  That's not very clear.  You can't see all the old guys coming in from snorkeling in just their snorkel gear.  (Enjoy that image)  Try this one:

I laugh every time I look at this picture.

Here's a nice image of the amazingly blue water to wash away what I just did to you.  I'm sorry.

We didn't have time to go swimming (and we weren't sure we wanted to anyway) so we made our way to: Lunch! At Kaleo's!  It was some of the best food we've had in Hawaii so far.  If you feel like getting hungry, check it out: http://kaleoshawaii.com/sub_men_lunch.php 

I enjoyed a martini with lunch.  My mouth is watering just thinking about it.  I'm pretty sure it was lilikoi-something.

Mmmmmmmm...

and after.

Matt enjoyed a Kona Longboard and Coconut Porter.  Also delicious.

Oh! There was some amazing artwork on display by a local artist (some of it pictured - ha - behind Matt).  Unfortunately, the smallest piece was beyond what we were interested in spending.

After lunch, the original plan was to jet back to Hilo to make our flight.  At this point, though, we found that we had time to make a quick trip North of Hilo to see Akaka Falls - the one item left on our "to-see" list.  Perfect!

We got to the park and started the loop trail.  We were a little wary of more jungle/bug experiences, but it turned out to be a non-issue.

Start of the trail

Beautiful flowers everywhere, all along the sides of the trail and in the trees

Bamboo

TIME WARP!  I don't know how I made this picture happen, but I had to include it.

We stopped first at Kahuna Falls, the smaller of the two waterfalls

Kahuna Falls

Intricate root systems, unfortunately, the picture is a bit blurry

Akaka Falls!

More warnings.

This display is describing a type of fish that migrates UP THE FALLS.  Yes.  A tiny fish swims up that huge waterfall.  Go take another look.

We made our way back...

...and saw more beautiful waterfalls...



...and more warnings.



After this little hike, we got to the airport with perfect timing.  The check-in, etc, went well.  Then, we were delayed about 2 hours because President Obama was leaving Oahu, and the airspace had to be clear.  Boo.

I still felt like a champion for accomplishing everything that we did in one day.

Before I sign off, don't forget that Follow button at the top of the page.  I am way behind in blogging so...there will be posts.

During his air test a young pilot flew through a rainbow. He passed with flying colors

Get it?  'Cause Hawaii is the Rainbow State?!

Chris-tastrophe II

Dear Reader,

I write this post to you just a little over a month after the subject incident took place. It has taken this long to come to grips with some of the events that took place on that dreaded day/evening. I know Christina already wrote about some of the events, so I will simply recap a few of them from my perspective.

First, I will take a moment to say that when we went on this trip, Christina was a champ in some ways. She did quite a bit of research to figure out "the places" to go on the Big Island. That being said, because she did most of the research, I felt I had no place nay-saying a good idea. So when Christina told me that we absolutely had to go to the Volcano and do a 12 mile hike to see lava - I thought "Definitely," figuring she had done her diligence and read a lot into it. She had not. I knew I was in trouble when the nice women at our bed and breakfast insisted that we take the following: AT LEAST 1.5 Liters of water each, walking sticks, Long pants, flashlights, spare batteries, some "power" snack food (they were insistent on the snacks - OK I had eaten a big dinner the day before, I got the hint), legitimate hiking shoes... essentially a list of things you would need for a post-apocalyptic trek across the Mid-West U.S. The nice ladies also mentioned that it was "quite the hike" - I assumed they meant it would be quite the hike if they tried to do it... They meant for us.

So as you know, the hike was no picnic. Especially for me, as my new hiking shoes (or feet torture devices as I like to call them) literally tried to chew my feet off. I wish I could tell you that I didn't have chunks of my feet missing, but I cant.

After the hike we were both starving and dead tired. We decided all we wanted was a very appropriate volcano burrito from taco bell and a few glasses of wine.

I wish I could explain in words how much I was looking forward to sleeping that night. I absolutely needed a comfortable bed to sleep in for somewhere around 30 hours. So after dinner, Christina simply passed out. So I pounded my glass of wine, and woke her up so we could brush our teeth. Little did I know that was the misstep of the day. Isn't there a saying "let sleeping clowns lie"? Something like that. Tragedy struck like lightning. I stepped into the bathroom and as soon as my foot hit tile I heard "Oh NO!" I turned around to this:  

Well, not really that. Try to imagine that but ALL of the wine in the glass in this picture was generously spread out ALL OVER our queen sized bed. Did I say all over the bed? Let me rephrase - ALL OVER the white sheets, white pillows, white mattress cover and down to the mattress itself. Apparently Christina had picked up her glass of wine to finish it and then instantaneously fell back asleep throwing her wine everywhere... At this point my soul literally shattered. I didn't even know what to do. For a few seconds Christina just sat there with the "I know I just did something bad - I'm going to wait and frame my reaction on how Matt reacts" look. I didn't even have the energy to be upset. I went straight into triage mode (again) and started ripping sheets off the bed and running them to the bathroom. I wont bore you with the full details - but we spent the next 90 minutes (well after midnight at this point) cleaning our sheets, pillow cases, mattress, etc. Let's just say not where I thought I was headed. Somehow we managed to get all of the wine out - but at what cost? We no longer had bedding... it was after midnight at a B&B. I was starting to lose it. At this point you need to have seen the movie Dumb and Dumber to understand what happens next. I am fairly irate at this point. I'm tired past the point of exhaustion, in pretty severe pain, and rather frustrated at the situation... and then Christina turns it around and "TOTALLY REDEEMS HERSELF." She somehow managed to find a spare sheet, blanket, and pillows in a closet in our room. This was an oasis in the desert moment for me. If I wasn't so dehydrated from a 12 mile and 6+ hour hike through hell, I might have shed a tear. (By the way did either of us mention we didn't bring enough water??)

So I crashed hard from exhaustion, and then we woke up early to continue our trip that I'm sure Christina will further explain. The most awkward part about this was checking out of the B&B in the morning and hoping that the nice women at the front desk didn't make the connection between our empty bottle of wine and the ton of freshly cleaned, but still soaked, bed linen in our bathroom...

Until next time,

The Other Narrator

P.S. Instead of trying to finish her glass of wine, Christina should have locked it up in a Cabernet...